


Destroying Your Childhood One Crack Fic At A Time

by Jekkah



Category: Barney & Friends, Criminal Minds
Genre: Anal Sex, Crack Fic, M/M, Puppet Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-23
Updated: 2014-11-23
Packaged: 2018-02-26 16:46:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2659181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jekkah/pseuds/Jekkah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jason Gideon and Barney the Dinosaur frolic in a field of daisies.  Inspired by an anonymous comment on Tumblr</p>
            </blockquote>





	Destroying Your Childhood One Crack Fic At A Time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pandorabox82](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorabox82/gifts), [MeredithBrody](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeredithBrody/gifts), [foreveranna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreveranna/gifts).



> So, on Tumblr someone posted the comment below from an anonymous person and we kind of ran with it. Someone, and we're hoping it was the same anonymous person, gave us permission to go ahead so here you go. And as always, I am so, so sorry.
> 
> "anonymous asked:
> 
> Gideon and Barney were frolicking in a field of daisies and Jason playfully tackled his love dinosaur. Barney giggles like a prostitute and said "Oh giddy gidds I love u so much my sexy FBI profiler sexy sex" and Gideon cried tears of happy then him and Barney frick fracked all over the flowers the fuckn end."
> 
> *I don't own anything and I don't want to!

“Catch me, Jason!” Barney called out, skipping through a field of daisies. 

Gideon laughed as he chased the big, purple dinosaur down the slight slope. They had had a picnic in the field with wine and fruit for dessert, which seemed to bring out the playfulness in both of them. Of course, for Barney, that wasn't a far trip, but for the often morose Jason Gideon, it was a rare sight indeed.

Twirling, Barney promised, “If you catch me, I'll let you treat me like the dirty whore that I know you want me to be. Hee-hee!”

Gideon froze. Suddenly, every molecule in his body seemed to come alive. He began to move again, but gone was the mirthful frolic, replaced by a predatory stalk. Gideon growled, “Barney.”

“Oh, gosh, Jason!” Barney giggled, taking in Gideon's hot eyes. “I love my sexy FBI profiler.”

“You're going to love me a lot more in just a moment.” With that, Gideon pounced. He took the dinosaur into his arms and rolled them onto the ground. He kissed Barney, gently. “I love you.”

Barney nodded. “You love me. We're a happy family. But right now, I need to be fucked and fucked hard. None of this gentle stuff.”

Gideon raised his eyes. “You get pretty aggressive with wine. I'll have to remember that.”

“Stop talking.”

“Rollover,” Gideon ordered, pulling away from the dinosaur. He unbuttoned his black slacks. “Up on all fours.”

Barney glanced over his shoulder to see Gideon standing behind him, naked, his erection pointing towards the sky. “Aren't you going to prep me first?”

Gideon rammed his cock into Barney's tight, pink hole. “Nope.”

“Oh, marching ants!” Barney screamed at the sudden intrusion. Pain raced through his body, causing him to tense, but Gideon didn't slow down. After several minutes, the pain began to give way to pleasure and Barney pushed back against Gideon.

“Barney. Mm, Barney,” Gideon groaned. He raced towards his orgasm. “Oh, raindrops. Oh, gumdrops.” He exploded inside of Barney, gobs of cum covering Barney's insides. “Oh, pop goes the weasel!” Gideon pulled out, watching in fascination as his spunk fell onto the ground.

Barney huffed. “Someone didn't share their pleasure.”

Gideon rolled his eyes. “You wanted to be the prostitute. It doesn't matter if the hooker comes or not.”

“Fuck that!” Barney barked. He pushed himself off of the ground and turned around. Barney grabbed Gideon by the waist and drove him to the ground. He slammed his giant green polka dotted dick into Gideon's ass. He knew that he wouldn't last long. “Apples and bananas! Apple and bananas! Down on Grandpa's farm!”

With that last howl, Barney came with such force that he fell backwards out of Gideon, causing Gideon to fall forward on his face. They both lay there, panting heavily. After what seemed like hours, Gideon crawled over to Barney, laying his head on the dinosaur's arm.

“That was amazing,” Gideon wheezed.

“It really was,” Barney agreed. “I think daisies just became my new favorite flower.

Gideon's laughter could be heard for miles around.

**Author's Note:**

> And again, if you read this, I am so sorry.


End file.
